Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
