I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
