walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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