I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize