Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
