I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
