Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize