But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize