Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
