Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
