Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
