guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
