how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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