Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
