Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
