I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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