I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
