I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
