im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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