apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Couch. On fire.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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