So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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