yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
