Little spoons don't ask big questions
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
