my vag is so smooth its legendary
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We don't watch enough power rangers
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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