Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
