I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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