College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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