This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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