Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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