let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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