its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
