After last night, I could never be a politician.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
