every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
