her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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