You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
