All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
