I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
