So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
