My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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