I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
