It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
