my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
