Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
