dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
