Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
