i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
