Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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