I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
