My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
