Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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