Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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