Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
