Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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