hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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