I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
