So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
