There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
