Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
