my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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