addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
