Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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