So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
