My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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