Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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