Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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