My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize