wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
